Month of Dilemma – Do Everything; Do Nothing



james baby booties

December is probably one of the weirdest months – Month of Dilemma. It is the month that I struggle to do everything; and do nothing.

I am very objective driven; therefore, keeping a schedule is the key to keeping my crafting business afloat. I am never late. (The rare shipping delays are not my fault, really. I can’t take responsibility for what is outside my control.)

I have made a bunch of baby booties and crochet toys to stock up on the online shop.

Mary jane baby booties

Still, I can’t help but desire for a lazy Sunday, when I get to do nothing important at all. I put on my toe socks and bling fitflop footwear, put the feet on the low table.. and imagine greater! (Yeah, the Syfy tagline is stuck in my head forever.)

Oh yes, I wear the fitflop at home now, because of the ‘Plantar Fasciitis‘ aka ‘Morning Heel Spurs’ aka ‘First step pain’. Looking at the possible causes, I have reasons to believe mine is aggravated by weight gain. I am officially fat (if you see my face now, I am not laughing). I have an uncontrolled weight gain over the last 2 years, and as much as I want to send a really positive message out there, I am however convinced that my sudden weight gain is very much a result of my quit smoking.

Regardless, as vain as I may be, I do not regret the decision to quit smoking. Although heavier now, I am healthier – still a tad weak in overall health performance, I do have a weaker constitution since a child – with healthier food choices (not all, but mostly), and appropriate supplements.

How did I quit smoking, you ask? It’s nothing like what you think, cut back on the frequencies, substitute with nicotine patches or gums, get a new hobby etc. As bizarre as it sounds, I woke up one morning, and decided to quit smoking after more than a decade of a notorious habit. That is that. Cold turkey kind of works for me. Mind over matter definitely applies to me. Weird right? I was on sleep pills for a few years, and one day I just decided to stop taking it, and that is that. Key point – be ready.

I am predictable – boring, that is. I met with a long time friend whom I had not met for years. We were on the topic of smoking (her husband smokes). It’s weird (or she just knows me better than I thought) when we talked like this:

She: You’ve quit?
Me: (How can she know!) Yes.
She: Did you just quit like that. *finger snap*
Me: (How can she know!!!) …yes. How are you not surprised at all?
She: Yeah, we hate people who smoke. You said when the time is right, you will just quit.

I remembered what I said alright; I am surprised she remembered and believed it when I said it. Wow!

It’s true. We hate smokers, I am hypersensitive to smell and can get extremely affected by smell of smoke. For some reasons, we kept falling for the ‘bad’ boys who smoked. She was smart but rebellious; I was just stupid with an inferior complex (I felt I didn’t deserve better, and often sabotaged good relationships that involved good people. I was convinced that I couldn’t be so fortunate, something bad impended.).

I picked up smoking because I needed to understand why people are addicted to smoking and cannot quit. I know, it’s a weird way to try to prove a point, buy hey, I am weird, so that makes sense. I picked up smoking in my early twenties. I vomited and suffered bad headaches, I popped in pain pills for the migraines, pressed on and increased the smoking frequencies. I was a heavy smoker. I didn’t smoke in public or while walking, not because I was ashamed, I just thought (still do) it’s inconsiderate and selfish to ‘force’ others to breathe in the fumes. I quit, because it’s time. No complicated and emotional reasons needed, give yourself a simple reason or no reason at all, just QUIT!

I love being slim, but if weight gain comes with quitting cigarettes, I will take it, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way forever. I will continue to lose weight healthily. No crash diet or any crazy stunt, but I will continue to work towards losing weight. As you can see, obesity is potentially a health wreck! It is especially threatening for me since I fall under the higher risk group in contracting diabetes (mother has it), and weight gain means more stress on my irreversible degenerative discs which are non-insurable ever. If I don’t protect my back, no one will. (It’s quite a compelling argument, isn’t it?)

So, I’ve got much to lose, if I don’t try to lose much. (Hey! That rhymes!)

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I posted this on my facebook status a few days ago…

“Ideally, by 2015, I should be spending 2 days crafting (whatever I desire); 2 days playing with websites (break, repair, revamp); 2 days reading (read and unread books); 1 day of nothingness (possibly half the day planning for ‘what to’ before the cycle repeats itself). We do enjoy entertaining ‘ideas’, don’t we?”

So, I was supposed to updating the shopping cart over the weekend, but I guess that can wait. Yesterday was pretty much wasted. I spent less than an hour to mop the floor and clean the toilet. I spent the rest of the day in agonizing pain when even sitting caused too much pain to my back – degenerative disc, possibly an early onset caused by slipped disc in earlier years.

Yesterday passed quickly. Today seems to be a perfect day to write a letter, and day-dream away.

Lucky for me, I don’t dread going to work. I look forward to work. I just want more time so that my other interests get fulfilled too. Perhaps, I need to also slim down the growing interests.


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