Cruel perhaps, not Mean

I have pondered over a particular matter for a while now. I don’t know what the normal people do with remarks, they forget and pretend they didn’t matter? Or they simply choose to hear what they want?

Growing up, people tell me I am overly sensitive and take things personally. I am not sure why I should not when the remarks are directed to me, without doubt. I choose to ponder over and analyse them, with minimal prejudice.

I handle truth just fine. I accept the fact that as long as the comment is truthful, despite that it may not necessarily be a positive feedback about me, I will manage the feelings that I might develop and try to understand why people make such a comment about me. Only by understanding, we nurture a possibility to improve.

Nothing remains constant, the only thing that is constant is change.

Instead of allowing the negative remark clouds my judgement and blindly impacts on my self-confidence, I let it sinks in the mind and analyse it. Not all remarks are truthful, many people have difficulty in managing their angry outbursts, and the impetuous actions to hurt the other person just to protect their suddenly inflated egos.

I can’t say for sure that I am a victim; I can say that I fall victim to many misunderstandings though. At some point, I stop blaming the simple-mindedness, I accept that it is what it is – the present society.

No one has time to think about what they say, or what they may have done to hurt someone else. They let things pass easily and quickly. It is almost like hitting an animal on the road and having no time to check if the animal dies or lives. They leave it there, pretending for the best outcomes to have descended.

Most people dismiss the unpleasant remark and feeling, so that they get on with life as though nothing has happened or changed.

I don’t think I am masochistic, I am as normal as anyone else when it comes to pain, emotional or physical, if not more. I don’t wallow in misery, I ponder.

I take time to let the mind clears, and reconcile with myself.

I am recently commented as ‘mean’. I take a while to let that idea sinks deep. I conclude that I am cruel perhaps, but not mean.

I am not well-liked by people, because I am too factual – amongst many other reasons, particularly caused by my poor social skills. You can sugarcoat that I am just candid and forthcoming, trust me, that is unnecessary. I know I am blunt to many people. I am misunderstood all the time, and hated for being truthful.

Truth hurts sometimes, but being truthful is never mean. Being mean is to cause hurt deliberately. Being truthful is just that, period. Some people say that the truth can be cruel, although that doesn’t stop me from being truthful, I believe it’s an expression to describe the undesired fact of a matter that hurts. So, if that saying is widely accepted, then yes, I am cruel, but I am not mean.

Being mean takes a calculated mind to deliver a carefully designed sentence to hurt someone. See, I never knew I was hurting anyone when I tell a truth.

It is difficult for me to fully comprehend and appreciate the choice for a lie (whatever color it may be) over a truth. Truth is factual.

My ex-husband cheated on me, twice, with the same girl. Do I want to know the truth? Always. Was it painful, hell it was, still I wanted the truth. Only with truth, we find consolation later and an authentic chance to reconcile with ourselves. I fell deep in the pit of darkness, but I am grateful for the truth.

Know the difference. I am what I am today, better than before, because of what happened in the past. I am grateful for the opportunity to wake to a full conscious mind; I am not thankful for the cheating spouse. I know how some people blur the line between being thankful to the opportunity and the bad behavior of a person. The cheating action is not encouraged, but be thankful when you are presented with the truth. It is like the lifeline. It is a second chance to live a different life.

It was the beginning of the life-changing opportunity for me to break the pattern of bad relationships and how I handled relationships. I took every relationship very seriously, but I kept meeting the wrong guy. Say, I was the wrong girl for even the right guy. I would never find the right person if I can’t accept who I truly am. I am not normal, I never will be, and that is okay. I should never need to be afraid to be myself.

Being mean is an intention, an ulterior motive to create pain. Ego is essential; burning a bridge and hurting the innocent just to protect an inflated ego is sheer idiocy of a simpleton.

I am well aware that I am most likely to remain as an unpopular person because of my unconcealed truth-speaking nature, but I have made peace with myself. It still bugs me sometimes when I get shot at for something I never meant to do, but I stop getting mad over it. When someone burns my bridge, it is his/her decision, informed or not. When I burn your bridge, I have a stack of facts to support my decision.

Always give someone the benefit of the doubt; don’t just shoot blindly. Some bridges when burnt, can never be rebuilt. Bow to a mistake, be a better person.

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